He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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