is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
