he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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