just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
