D3 body, D1 cock
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
