I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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