i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
