i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
