Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
