Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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