Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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