All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
