Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
