I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize