Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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