jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
