my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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