I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
