I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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