Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
