I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
