Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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