Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
