o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
