I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
