Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
