I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
