So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
