you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
