First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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