I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize