for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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