I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
