I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
