She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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