this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
