she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
