i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
