he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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