my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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