he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
