Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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