I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
