We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
