oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
