i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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