Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
