maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
handjob tips. give me some.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
