Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
