the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is my gift to your gina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
