Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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