Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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