lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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