I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
