Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
