I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize