I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
