If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you will always have a special place in my vag
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
