he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
