Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
