Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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