cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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