Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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