He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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