i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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