Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
