I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
