I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
