he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
